So I'm trying to find a movie to see tonight, and I'm lost in a maze of horrible cinema. The two films I was interested in, Elizabeth and Love in the Time of Cholera, have both been poorly received. Other gems now playing include these enticing details: classic literature adapted liberally to include a made-up character for Angelina Jolie to wear spandex as; Justin Timberlake (who can't act enough to fake an entertaining interview) as a bible-quoting war veteran; a documentary about corn; and the deliciously emo-sounding Wristcutters: A Love Story.

So I thought maybe we could rent some recent release, and Blockbuster recomends "Ice Spiders: The cast of the hit primetime drama Melrose Place reunite for his Sci-Fi Channel original film concerning a remote ski lodge that is overrun by enormous mutant spiders."

So much money and freedom of speech, and so many beautiful people, in this country, and we can't come up with one decent movie for a Friday night?

On the plus side, I think there will be Indian food.