Heard on the bus.

Red-haired guy: "Are you submitting that petition today?"

Guy with beard: "Yeah, [something about 6,000 signatures]."

Me (internally): "Stop talking so loudly. It's early and no one else cares."

Red: "And they're thinking of raising tuition how much?"

Beard: "7-10%, hopefully raising financial aid too, blah blah blah."

Red: "That's a lot. I hope they're thinking of cutting other programs. Maybe that 12-0 football team."

Me (internally): "7% is normal. They will cut other programs. The football team brings in money, jerkoff."

Beard: "Yeah ... "

Red: "I mean, how many more f-ing art history majors do we need?"

Me (internally): "I want to stab you with a paintbrush."